Dinner Party Etiquette & Brands

Is your brand a good guest?

A Toast

For over a decade, we’ve operated under Dashboard Culture — a tyranny of metrics, an optimization for spectacle, and a sacrifice of substance for visibility. We’ve been conditioned: if it doesn’t register on the dashboard, it doesn’t exist.

“If you are not loud, you do not exist culturally, politically, or socially. In the age of the algorithm, cultural value becomes synonymous with measurability. Dashboards don’t give a shit about merit, substance or even truth.”

The result? A boring and exhausting arms race for loudness. Victims to this cacophony, many have retreated — and continue to retreat. We go camouflage. Group chats, paywalled Substacks, three-hour podcasts, niche subreddits, and yes, actual dinner parties.

We seek off-the-grid spaces that resist algorithmic and audience capture. Rooms you can’t just buy your way into or shout your way to relevance. Respite. Secrecy. Avoidances of performance.

But organizations are not conditioned for these environments. (If you’re brainstorming “What’s our Substack strategy?” you’re four years too late...) Orgs are conditioned to use megaphones, track reach in spreadsheets and posture — or really contort — for everybody all at once. They optimize for attention over meaning.

Brands are in new environments with old playbooks.

Culture’s a dinner party.

And orgs' etiquette sucks.

You don’t bring a playbook to a party.

Every cultural space, whether that be a community, conference, creator’s content or philanthropic cause, operates like a dinner party with unspoken codes. And organizations which ignore these conventions become the guest that everyone barely tolerates until they leave. And the moment they’re gone — there’s a sigh of relief. Finally, the real party begins.

They say “brand” is what people say when you’re not in the room, but the best brands are the ones invited into the room.

For any organization seeking to resonate today, they must learn how to become better dinner party guests. How?

01. Know Before You Go

Good guests do their homework.

Who’s the host? Who else will be there? What’s the vibe? For brands, this means comprehending the context before arriving, not through dashboards, but through real immersive experience. What’s the lingo, recurring conversation themes, and experiences of the crowd? Show up with this intel and “dress” smart. You don’t wear a tux to the keg kickback, or flip-flops to the gala. Don’t put on a costume to get in the door, but seek gatherings which already are natural fits. If you have to buy new clothes to fit in, maybe the party really isn’t for you. Acknowledge cultural difference — ex. a party in Spain has unique cuisines and etiquette. Brands coming off horny on social or tirelessly chasing cool reveal an org that’s self-conscious. This doesn’t exactly exude confidence. Knowing what the gathering will be like will make it more enjoyable for everyone. Most importantly: decide when to and not to attend.

02. Bring What People Want

Good guests don’t show up empty-handed.

Good guests bring a crowdpleaser. A great bottle of red. Homemade chocolate chip cookies. Something that complements what’s already being served. Contribute a token of appreciation. For organizations, this may be exclusivity, access to talent, entertainment, education, support, or even discounts. What’s missing from the table that the crowd’s waiting for? Show up with value. And bring more than what’s needed or expected. This means serving the room — not yourself — giving more than you take, and bringing something that will get you invited back. Don’t pay to enter, but contribute to signal respect.

03. Make Others’ Nights

Good guests make others feel special.

Don’t dominate the conversation. Listen. Ask questions. Be curious. Learn. React. Compliment. Relationships build over time. For orgs, this organic conversation is invaluable for rapport... but also insight. But guests that just listen and don’t speak up are creepy. Strike a balance. Good guests captivate a room with fascinating stories. Not promotions. But stories. This isn’t to feed an ego, but to benefit others. And when speaking up, ensure it isn’t corpo legalese doublespeak. Also invite others to ask you questions and answer honestly. Be candid and vulnerable. And if you feel you don’t have any good stories to tell, then go live a more interesting life. Brands are too busy trying to tell “cool” stories, without having lived compelling enough experiences.

04. Remember You’re a Guest, Not the Host

Good guests know it isn’t their home.

Respect the space. Culture is shared. You don’t get to control the music or rearrange the furniture. The party isn’t for you. For organizations, this approach requires humility. You’re not a community manager, you’re a community participant... just like everyone else here. Don’t try to dictate the narrative or manage everyone’s perceptions obsessively. Relax and enjoy. Clean up after yourself. Offer to help with the dishes. And most importantly, know when to go home.

05. Earn the Invitation

Good guests are humbled to even attend.

An invite isn’t a given, but extended because of trust. Organizations that show up as shitty guests shouldn’t be surprised when no one is thrilled to see them. “How do you do, fellow kids?” Organizations should work to earn their invitations. There are orgs that have so much FOMO that they barge into a party uninvited and then make a toast about themselves. That’s one way to ensure they’re never invited back. The entire premise of branding was the personification of products and services. But we’ve strayed so far that we’ve forgotten how to act human. Fellow humans get invited to parties.

Culture is a dinner party because culture is relational.

Yet too many see “cultures” as banner ads to rent, creators to buy out or an algorithm to hack. It’s not. They’re cozy homes full of like-minded people who can smell the reek of an organization’s insincerity from across the room.

So many orgs today are party crashers, hunting for the next trendy party before ever taking off their shoes at the first. Intolerable buzzkills.

Conversely, orgs which approach culture as an intimate gathering with respect, humility and generosity — become the most compelling guests. And once an org understands how to be a good guest, they can begin host their own parties, shaping culture, not chasing it.

Stop asking, “How do we win culture?”

Begin questioning, “Are we the type of guest that people even want around?”

Few can answer ‘yes’ genuinely here.

Now, talking about dinner parties amidst war and social collapse, can feel out of touch. I get it. But culture marches forward and people still gather. The party goes on, becoming an even more valuable place for connection, meaning-making, catharsis and refuge. The social gathering is more important than ever.

Decorum is what holds us together.

And in dark times, good guests matter more than ever.